Weak Motivators
Why “Self-Defense” Is a Weak Motivator for Adults
What people say they want
vs.
what actually keeps them training
Reframing Self-Defense
Actual self-defense is about:
Community
Neighbors
Social conditions
Making harm less likely in the first place
But that’s not what people mean when they ask a martial arts coach for “self-defense.”
What They’re Really Asking For
When someone asks a martial arts teacher for self-defense, they’re asking:
“Teach me how to fight for my life.”
That implies a very specific kind of training.
What Real Preparation Requires
Training for your life means, at least sometimes:
Training as if the stakes are real
Taking real damage
Being hit hard by training partners
Holding yourself to demanding expectations
All so the response becomes second nature.
The Cost Nobody Talks About
That kind of training is:
Unpleasant
Messy
Stressful
Hard contact creates:
Gym friction
Tension
Conflict
Even when it’s what you signed up for.
The Motivation Problem
When training is that unpleasant, ask honestly:
What reasonable adult wants to put up with this long-term?
They won’t, unless there’s a compelling reason.
The Hard Truth
I’ve never seen self-defense be that reason.
Adults with agency will leave, even if self-defense is why they signed up.
Self-defense does not reliably get people to:
Train twice a day
Train 6–7 days a week
Train like their life depends on it
It’s abstract and exists in a possible future, but how it might even play out remains a mystery.
What Actually Works
The only thing I’ve consistently seen motivate people to tolerate that level of discomfort:
Competition or sport goals
Why?
They’re concrete
They’re time-bound
They provide feedback
They justify suffering
It’s a sure thing that regularly occurs.
Consider the rising participation and consistency rates in adult sports like pickleball and softball compared to self-defense.
Prevention vs. Achievement
Goals focused on preventing something:
“Don’t get attacked”
“Stay safe”
→ Rarely justify high, ongoing costs
Goals focused on achieving something:
Competing
Performing
Testing yourself
→ Sometimes do
This Is Normal Human Behavior
This isn’t a moral failure.
It’s motivation psychology.
Humans:
Don’t sustain behavior because they “should” or “ought to,” especially when the cost is high, time-consuming, ongoing, and stressful
Struggle with avoidance-based goals
Don’t endure pain indefinitely without payoff
Do better with concrete rather than abstract
Choice Is the Missing Variable
What gets ignored, even by people asking for self-defense, is choice.
There’s an assumption that:
Once someone starts something, they’ll keep going
In reality:
Stopping is far more common than sticking with something for life
If We Never Stopped…
If people never stopped what they started:
Everyone would be a master of many things
Everyone would stay in toxic relationships
We’d continue making the same mistakes
Stopping isn’t abnormal.
It’s human.
A Message for Coaches
If you want people to stick around:
You need to understand why they’re training
Their why might not be self-defense; it might be fun, exercise, to hang out, to make friends, just to try something, because it’s free
Many reasons will be low-commitment
Demands must match desire
Demands must also match commitment
If they don’t, adults will leave.
That’s a rational decision.
If you run a free club that meets infrequently to begin with, the unfortunate side effect is that it’s already low commitment and not enough frequency to warrant fast progression or intense training demands.
The Deeper Issue
At the heart of this conversation is motivation psychology and humanity.
Treating people like machines, where you flip a switch and they train without the ability to stop or change their minds, dehumanizes them.
Bottom Line
Adults have autonomy.
We can change our minds.
We can stop.
We will stop.
Any honest conversation about self-defense has to start there.
To access the Liberation Martial Arts curriculum and contribute to the sustainability of this project, consider upgrading your membership. Find other ways to support me here. – Sam
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